How To Deal With Jealousy

How To Deal With Jealousy In Relationships

The Great Question::

How to deal with jealousy in relationships?

Introduction
What Is Jealousy?
How To Deal With Jealousy
If You Are The One Suffering With Jealousy
If Your Partner Is The Jealous Type
Conclusion
Recommended Books and Audios

Introduction

Recently, I had to contact an old girlfriend to discuss an unfinished business related issue.

She was apologetic and ashamed for ignoring my previous attempts to contact her and resolve the issue.

She said that the reason for not contacting me was that her new boyfriend does not allow her to make any form of contact with men from her past.

I immediately said to her:

What the hell is wrong with you! Nobody has the right to control who you associate with.

She said:

Yea I know, he is a jealous type, and I comply just to keep the peace.

Make no mistake, playing this game, or controlling others with your jealously is a sign of low self-esteem.

What Is Jealousy?

In his book Your Erroneous Zones, Dr Wayne Dyer explains that jealousy is a put-down of yourself generated by an error in thinking which is connected with an erroneous zone called self-doubt.

Dr Wayne Dyer goes on to say that being around a person who has self-doubt is burdensome:

The person who dislikes himself is the biggest burden to be around in the world. They are never happy, they use other people to try to make them happy, and they blame other people for the condition of their life.
– Wayne W. Dyer

How To Deal With Jealousy

If one person is suffering the dis-ease of jealously, it usually makes the other person sick too because they allow themselves to get sucked into thinking that the jealousy is their problem rather than the one who has the jealousy.

If You Are The One Suffering With Jealousy

Don’t blame others for the way you feel.
Realize that Jealousy is really Self-Doubt which has nothing to do with the other person.
Realize that Self Doubt is a sign of Low Self Esteem and that it is your stuff.
Realize that nobody made you feel jealous.
Don’t try fixing the wrong problem by controlling what other people do.
Realize that you are responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions.

If Your Partner Is The Jealous Type

If your partner is trying to control you because they are suffering jealously, and you are playing the game and allowing yourself to be controlled, then you too need to look at your self-esteem issues.

The first thing you need to is burn into your flesh the idea that somebody else’s emotional issues are not really your problem.

Many people are dishonest about their jealousy because they don’t admit either to themselves, or to others that they have the dis-ease of jealously.

Some people admit it freely while others hold it in and get depressed, angry or sad about unimportant issues. They are stewing inside, but will never admit it. Instead, they try and control the outside world in order to fix the problem which is within themselves – Fear, In-Security, Self-Doubt.

Danger Signs

Do you allow yourself to be controlled so that your partner does not get angry?
Do you get into trouble for looking at or talking to members of the opposite sex?
Do you get told what you are “allowed” to wear?
Do you get into trouble or get interrogated for coming home later than usual?
Do you go against your values or bend yourself into a pretzel in order to make the other person happy?
Are you continually seeking approval in order to prevent possible abandonment?

The reason you may do some of the above things means that you are frightened of being abandoned which is also a sign of, yep, you guessed it, low self esteem.

Conclusion

Jealousy is an evil fear based emotion which causes pain and misery in relationships.

The only reason people stick with a jealous person is because they too have emotional issues. Well balanced rational people generally do not stick with with emotionally ill jealous types.

It took me awhile to eliminate this evil and corroding thread out of my being.

I purchased many books and audios, but audios helped me the most because I could listen to them over-and-over in my car instead of listening to music. Over the years I have developed a measure of emotional maturity instead of acting like a little boy in an adult body.

Article by Ed Zivkovic.