How to deal with jealousy in relationships?

• Introduction
• What Is Jealousy?
• How To Deal With Jealousy
• If You Are The One Suffering With Jealousy
• If Your Partner Is The Jealous Type
• Conclusion
• Recommended Books and Audios

Introduction

Recently, I had to contact an old girlfriend to discuss an unfinished business related issue.

She was apologetic and ashamed for ignoring my previous attempts to contact her and resolve the issue.

She said that the reason for not contacting me was that her new boyfriend does not allow her to make any form of contact with men from her past.

I immediately said to her:

What the hell is wrong with you! Nobody has the right to control who you associate with.

She said:

Yea I know, he is a jealous type, and I comply just to keep the peace.

Make no mistake, playing this game, or controlling others with your jealously is a sign of low self-esteem.

What Is Jealousy?

In his book Your Erroneous Zones, Dr Wayne Dyer explains that jealousy is a put-down of yourself generated by an error in thinking which is connected with an erroneous zone called self-doubt.

Dr Wayne Dyer goes on to say that being around a person who has self-doubt is burdensome:

The person who dislikes himself is the biggest burden to be around in the world. They are never happy, they use other people to try to make them happy, and they blame other people for the condition of their life.
– Wayne W. Dyer

How To Deal With Jealousy

If one person is suffering the dis-ease of jealously, it usually makes the other person sick too because they allow themselves to get sucked into thinking that the jealousy is their problem rather than the one who has the jealousy.

If You Are The One Suffering With Jealousy

• Don’t blame others for the way you feel.
• Realize that Jealousy is really Self-Doubt which has nothing to do with the other person.
• Realize that Self Doubt is a sign of Low Self Esteem and that it is your stuff.
• Realize that nobody made you feel jealous.
• Don’t try fixing the wrong problem by controlling what other people do.
• Realize that you are responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions.

If Your Partner Is The Jealous Type

If your partner is trying to control you because they are suffering jealously, and you are playing the game and allowing yourself to be controlled, then you too need to look at your self-esteem issues.

The first thing you need to is burn into your flesh the idea that somebody else’s emotional issues are not really your problem.

Many people are dishonest about their jealousy because they don’t admit either to themselves, or to others that they have the dis-ease of jealously.

Some people admit it freely while others hold it in and get depressed, angry or sad about unimportant issues. They are stewing inside, but will never admit it. Instead, they try and control the outside world in order to fix the problem which is within themselves – Fear, In-Security, Self-Doubt.

Danger Signs

• Do you allow yourself to be controlled so that your partner does not get angry?
• Do you get into trouble for looking at or talking to members of the opposite sex?
• Do you get told what you are “allowed” to wear?
• Do you get into trouble or get interrogated for coming home later than usual?
• Do you go against your values or bend yourself into a pretzel in order to make the other person happy?
• Are you continually seeking approval in order to prevent possible abandonment?

The reason you may do some of the above things means that you are frightened of being abandoned which is also a sign of, yep, you guessed it, low self esteem.

Conclusion

Jealousy is an evil fear based emotion which causes pain and misery in relationships.

The only reason people stick with a jealous person is because they too have emotional issues. Well balanced rational people generally do not stick with with emotionally ill jealous types.

It took me awhile to eliminate this evil and corroding thread out of my being.

I purchased many books and audios, but audios helped me the most because I could listen to them over-and-over in my car instead of listening to music. Over the years I have developed a measure of emotional maturity instead of acting like a little boy in an adult body.

Article by Ed Zivkovic.

Recommended Books and Audios

• 7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem – FREE 45 Min Audio by Dr. Joe Rubino
• Your Erroneous Zones – Dr Wayne Dyer
• The Science Of Self Confidence – Brian Tracy
• Codependent No More – Melody Beattie

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This is especially true for women. One form of rejection is being dumped by the person whom you really love or are in a relationship with.

Being dumped is never fun. It can be the source of a great deal of pain, confusion, anger, and hurt.

A Long Time Ago

There was a time when women were the ones who did the vast majority of dumping. However, this certainly isn’t true anymore. Men, increasingly, are dumping women.

As a woman, who has been dumped, you may not fully understand the motives behind his actions. Men are not quite as complex as women, when it comes to these sorts of things.

This article was written to help you find some of the answers to the question of “why men dump women?”

Here Are The Top Three Reasons Why Men Dump Women

Lack of Communication

Communication is very important in every relationship. A lack of communication would definitely mean the end of a relationship. Hence, it is often cited as one of the top reasons of why men break up with the woman they are with.

Demanding and Controling

Another reason why women are dumped by men is because as time goes by, they become more and more demanding and controling

Women, Western women in particular, have a tendency to try and control anything and everything about the relationship, sometimes even the man himself.

They often will try to set rules and limits on their male counterpart. Women often will give the men a hard time about:

• Traveling to do his occupation.
• Not guessing/anticipating the woman’s needs and wants.
• Talking, or even looking at other women.
• Having female friends and associates.
• His Values and Beliefs.
• Hanging out with his friends.
• What they watch on T.V.
• Working late.

Some women will also engage in passive aggressive behaviours (such as silence and similar paybacks) if any of the above conditions are not to their liking.

Some men will tolerate this type of behavior. However, the ones that finally get fed up with it, and end it, usually cite this as a reason why they broke up.

Being Too Reliant On Men

There are times when women become too clingy, needy, and reliant on their man. Its okay for a woman to play up the damsel in distress routine once in a while. In fact, most men enjoy playing the role of hero.

Everybody, (both men and women) get needy and clingy, however, it can be taken too far and becomes quite annoying if done on a regular basis.

There is a difference between being needy sometimes and total emmotional dependence.

Most men want a woman who is independent, and can make decisions on her own.

Some women insist that the man spend every free minute of every free day with her. It is healthy for people in a relationship to have lives outside the relationship.

If the woman makes the man the center of her life and becomes too obsessed, it usually will be too much for the man.

Indeed, it is not only women who hold the power to dump men because men also have that power. These reasons are by no means conclusive. There are many reasons why men dump women.

The best thing you can do if you were dumped by a man, is to re-claim your power and realize that you are a wonderful loving human being regardless.

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Well, there’s your problem right there.

Magazines, dysfunctional or emotionally unstable friends/relatives, daytime TV shows and movies may offer plenty of tips on getting laid, but rarely give you anything you can use to build a strong, long-term relationship.

For a change, here are some tips you can actually use.

Communicate Deeper

Ever hear people say they and their spouse lead separate lives and wonder how a marriage ends up that way? Most often is starts with a lack of deep communication.

Real relationship-sustaining communication does not mean talking about that new customer you sold today, or planning for the yearly vacation.

It means talking about your feelings from day to day, your hopes for the future, and even your fears.

Keeping a relationship going strong takes trust, good communication, and attention to the things that really matter.

This means:

• Revealing your real self by dropping the ficticious self/s you have created in order to cope in the world.
• Listening to your partner with your heart by understanding that most people cannot define into words what they are truly trying to express.

Don’t get sucked-in by magazine headlines because the best love relationship advice isn’t all about when to send roses, what to do in bed or anticipating needs.

Trust Building

A lot of love relationship advice focuses on trust because it truly is the foundation of a loving relationship. While trust sometimes develops on its own, putting a little work into building it never hurts. How can you do that?

Firstly, be reliable. Call when you say you will and show up when you promise to. Also try not to make commitments you have no intention of keeping, like “Yea, I’ll go to dancing lessons with you.”

When you have a disagreement:

• Be fair and don’t push your partners buttons.
• Accept and respect your partner’s feelings.
• Avoid telling them they shouldn’t feel a certain way.

Nobody has the right to tell others how they should feel.

Learning To End Arguments

It will happen ..

Your partner will do that annoying thing yet again and suddenly you’re yelling at each other. The important thing isn’t so much stopping your partner from doing that thing as knowing how to stop an argument when it does happen.

In fact, the ability to diffuse post-argument tension can make or break a relationship.

So, when you realize your gripe session is getting out of hand, ask yourself:

• Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

Of course you might need to re-evaluate the status of the relationship if your partner is continually violating important personal boundaries that you have set. After all, nobody likes to be ignored!

Don’t Avoid Money Issues

This uncommon love relationship advice is important.

If you share any financial responsibilities, you owe it to each other to communicate on this issue. Sure, it’s not much fun to talk about money, but it’s even less fun when you’re in serious trouble due to poor planning. Don’t let it get that far.

Even if there is only one bread winner, both of you should be involved in financial planning, especially if the bread winner is hopeless with money.

To keep problems at bay, learn to discuss your financial issues as they come up. Don’t be frightened to speak up. Not saying what you want to say could lead to resentment towards your partner.

Conclusion

The inability and unwillingness to communicate can often be the result of low self-esteem because you feel that you don’t have a right to express what’s on your mind. You let things slide until you get angry, and then of course your communications come out all wrong!

Learn to speak up when it’s time to speak up by building up your self-esteem.

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Are you having difficulty identifying what you are feeling?

While quizzes can provide a guide for you to follow, you’ll have to learn to trust yourself instead of relying on something outside of yourself to tell you what you are truly feeling.

Taking one of those short tests in a magazine will probably just make you more confused than you were before. If you really want to take a quiz, use the results only as a guide and don’t allow others to define your reality.

What the Quiz Can Tell You

Most of the time, it’s hard to go wrong with trusting your gut instincts.

For instance, if your intuitive process is red-flagging your brain, it’s nearly always a good idea to get out of the situation instead of negotiating with reality.

How often have you looked back at one of those red flags that you’ve ignored in the past and said to yourself: “why didn’t I listen to that?”

This is because both love and infatuation are such powerful emotions they cloud your ability to tell which is which. Sometimes, you just can’t trust your instincts to lead you to a good relationship if you have a history of attracting bad relationships.

By asking questions that help separate feelings that could lead to deep, long-lasting love from those that will disappear, “are you really in love” quizzes could keep you from wasting energy on mere infatuation or lust.

Even more importantly, they then help you from getting sucked into what could be a very unpleasant, messy romantic entanglement.

What the Quiz Should Ask You

If you actually want to get some real benefits from taking one of the “are you really in love” quizzes, you need to know how to sort the accurate ones from the useless ones.

Usually, just glancing through the questions will give you a good idea of how accurate the quiz will be. This is usually easy enough to tell by glancing at the questions.

It should also include questions that help you separate initial infatuation that could bloom into a deeper, true love from feelings that aren’t likely to lead to anything serious.

The test should ask how your love makes you feel about yourself, what emotions characterize your relationship, and how much you sacrifice for your partner. Questions like these zero in on common differences between love, infatuation, and lust.

Where to Find Quality Quizzes

Magazines really aren’t the best places to find quizzes.

The problem is, unless the writer’s bio is included, you can’t be sure the person who created the quiz is a true expert on relationships or not. That’s why it’s better to look for quizzes in books and Web sites written by credible relationship experts.

Taking a few well designed quizzes could give you insight into whether or not your relationship has any real future. Finding out early on if your relationship is on the wrong track can save you a lot of stress and heartache in the long run.

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